You ever have those moments when you’re stranded on a desert island and don’t have a boat? And you’re surrounded by the resources needed to make a boat, but you lack the technical know-how to make one, so you just resort to scooping ocean water by the handful over and over again in an attempt to clear a path forward? You’d think an objective of “create things that look aesthetically pleasing” wouldn’t be so difficult to figure out since by now I have been well acquainted with what I find appealing. However, being able to make something appealing, even when you know exactly what it should look like, takes a considerable amount of effort, so it naturally becomes exponentially more difficult when you have to imagine it yourself.

This past week I’ve been trying to look for fundamental issues with my art process, things that I don’t necessarily notice which are working against me and holding me back. So far I’ve picked up on issues with my construction and proportions, but I’m still not certain what to do about it other than get better habits. The models that I reference when I’m trying to up my game always have so much more room for facial features than mine do, to the point where it doesn’t make sense to me. It’s not even about the size; it’s just the proportions. Whenever I’m looking at the way simple geometric shapes are used to construct a more complex object, I never understand how I’m supposed to recreate those shapes once I’m drawing it myself and rotating it to face a completely different angle. And even if I am able to draw it, there are so many different ways to draw it that I can’t decide what method to habitualize. The advice I’ve been given is to start with reality and then stylize it to look aesthetically pleasing to you, based on the idea that you need to know the rules before you start breaking them. I’ve been led to believe that once you can sketch out a perfect 2D rendering of the Statue of David, then you’ll be able to draw Finn and Jake. I have my doubts, but I’ll see how it goes.

I am glad to be at the position I am now compared to where I was even a year ago. I don’t know if my final products look significantly better than they did last year, but I’ve definitely improved my lineart and sketching ability. I’ve also gotten past the mindless grazing mindset of “practice, practice, practice,” which I don’t believe has ever helped me beyond making sure I remember how to hold a pencil. Drawing without something new to learn has quite possibly been the biggest contributor to my lack of growth. It doesn’t matter how many hands or feet or torsos I draw if I’m drawing them wrong every time. My daily sketches aren’t pounding at a door that will eventually crack open and unlock secret wisdom about the greater trochanter. I’m convinced this is part of the reason why some people have developed more in seven months than I have in seven years. In terms of actually learning, I wonder if I’ve even gotten seven months of experience.

The “always bigger fish” aspect of the Internet demands there be people who can create things that seem out of my reach, as well as people that think the same about what I make. I don’t buy it though. I don’t think I’m actually incapable of doing them; I just don’t know how to go about getting there. I can recreate a piece that impresses me pretty accurately if I put in the effort to do so, but attempting to make it myself something similar from scratch is a fool’s errand. I need to find better resources that can help me improve the aesthetics of what I can draw. I’m tired of making art I think is ugly.

Make the most.